Given that the potential for resilience is present in most people, who is depressed? why do some people choose to end their lives rather than carry on and reap the fabulous benefits of overcoming hideous events?
The road to recovery is littered with platitudes. For example:
"You can never truly love another person unless you have learned to love yourself."
There are two reasons why some people struggle to develop resilience
Or: There are two necessary preconditions for resilience to develop in response to trauma and hardship.
1. We must be willing to care for ourselves. This is a paradox because while most people will take this simple aspect of life for granted, a few of us will struggle to carry out the most basic acts of self care, probably because we have had difficult early lives. It will not come naturally, will have to be learned; and will probably feel uncomfortable at first.
2. We must be open to help. This doesn't mean that we are compelled to adopt every piece of advice we are ever given, it means that we are open minded and flexible enough to be able to look at things another way, to hear another point of view, to keep trying different solutions to intractable problems.
One of these items can carry you to the other, for example if you are committed to caring for yourself, you will seek help when you need it. Equally, if you are open to support and care from others, and receive good quality support, sooner or later someone will point out that you seem to find it difficult to act in your own best interests.
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